


I'd kill for you

by feentanz



Series: One Shots [33]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Blood, F/M, Light Dom/sub, Smut, i dont know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:40:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22494025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: Zoya stared down at the marble floor, slowly turning red with blood. Her hands were shaking as she took a step back, the sound’s echo carrying through the room. Her entire body was bruised, her lips bleeding, and yet she didn’t feel anything. She didn’t hear Nikolai approaching, not until he was right behind her. “Zoya,” he said hoarsely, her name barely more than a whisper. He was staring down at the floor as well. At the Darkling’s dead body.
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Series: One Shots [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/594364
Kudos: 25





	I'd kill for you

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song "I'd kill for you" by Zolita!

> _Ecstasy and darkness drips_
> 
> _Blood falls out your swollen lips_

Zoya stared down at the marble floor, slowly turning red with blood. Her hands were shaking as she took a step back, the sound’s echo carrying through the room. Her entire body was bruised, her lips bleeding, and yet she didn’t feel anything. 

She didn’t hear Nikolai approaching, not until he was right behind her. “Zoya,” he said hoarsely, her name barely more than a whisper. He was staring down at the floor as well. 

At the Darkling’s dead body. 

Zoya couldn’t breathe. The stench of blood was clouding the air. Her knees gave up under her just when Nikolai caught her, her limbs trembling, struggling to hold her upright. She clung to him, fingers curling up in the fabric of his shirt, barely able to keep breathing. 

Blood was dripping from her fingers. She couldn’t remember if it was her own. 

She remembered the Darkling’s laugh, his voice echoing from the walls, as he had mocked her in his final moments. _You can never best me, Zoya._ She hadn’t expected a knife to be enough to kill him, and yet here he was, still and lifeless, just in front of her. 

The dragon within her had gone silent, retreated as if asleep. And yet she knew better. Juris had known exactly what to do. 

Nikolai was still holding her upright, but she didn’t miss the shadow on his face, the way he kept avoiding to look at the Darkling’s corpse. Dried blood was clinging to his lips and some golden hair had fallen into his face, and yet he managed to look twice as composed as her. 

His touch was steady where she was trembling, holding her broken pieces together. 

> _Sex is art and you're the muse_
> 
> _Your soul's my eternal bruise_

Nikolai’s fingers grazed her cheek, then her jaw, leaving bloodstains against her skin. Zoya leaned into the touch, savoring it, desperately searching for something to hold onto.  
  
Something which was not the memory of herself driving a dagger into the Darkling’s heart. 

She didn’t think when she kissed him, when his tongue traced her bottom lip, not even when he pushed her down onto the marble floor, with enough force that it should have hurt her bruised ribs. Instead, she only felt numb. Half alive. 

Zoya gasped as Nikolai’s lips moved against hers, pinning her to the ground. The world was blurring at the edges as she peeled the shirt off his body, finger’s tracing the bruises on his skin, feeling his muscles tense under the touch. 

The world ended and began with Nikolai’s lips, his teeth digging into her bottom lip, the taste of blood grazing her tongue. He planted kisses along the line of her jaw, down her throat, pulling the silk of her bloodied _kefta_ from her shoulders. The cool air made her shiver but Zoya barely felt it, wrapping her legs around Nikolai’s hips to pull him closer, desperately trying to make herself forget. 

Forget the scent of blood, the gleam of the knife, the Darkling’s dying gaze on her. The way he had smiled. _You are just like me now._

Maybe she was. 

Zoya cried out silently as Nikolai pushed inside her, her nails running across his back as she clung to him, letting her head drop back against the marble floor. Blood was clinging to her hair. Blood was clinging to her fingers. Nikolai left scarlet marks where ever he kissed her, rolling his hips against hers, making her ribs ache.   
  


> _I belong to you_
> 
> _Is my body worthy_
> 
> _Of everything you do?_

Zoya arched her back, pressing closer against him, begging for more touch. Nikolai had her wrists pinned down at either side of her head, slowing down his movements, making her ache for more. 

She tried to lift her hips but he pinned her against the ground with his body, lips skimming across her neck, nipping at the skin. A moan escaped her as he reached her collarbones, stopping for a second, one hand slipping between her legs. 

His thumb circled across her clit and yet he refused to move, sending a shiver down her spine as she tried to rub herself against his hand. But his grip was iron and every movement sent a shot of pain through her ribcage, causing her to fall back against the stone floor. 

Zoya released a shaky breath, her lungs daring to collapse, eyes fluttering shut as she yielded to his touch. 

His fingers closed around her throat, pressing her against the cold marble, his lips brushing the shell of her ear. With every thrust of him inside her, the images retreated, leaving her only with the distant reminder of a pain once there, and the blood clinging to both their bodies. 

> _Fuck me till I'm broken_
> 
> _Blind me until I can't see_

The world was coming apart and piercing itself back together as Nikolai’s lips returned to her own, daring to destroy her. His kisses swallowed her cries as she came, clinging to his shoulders to stop herself from falling apart. Zoya was shuddering under his touch, her entire body trembling as he pressed herself tighter against him, not leaving an inch of space between their bodies. 

Her vision was turning dark at the edges as Nikolai’s hips continued to rock against her own, picking up his pace again. She dug her nails into his shoulder, drawing new blood, leaving marks against his skin. Neither of them was in the right mind to even notice. 

Nikolai’s eyes were dark when he kissed her again, running his tongue along her bottom lip, then biting down. She moaned into his mouth, not able to stop herself from quivering. The room was blurring around them, a mix of colors and darkness, Zoya’s eyes fluttering shut as the last of her strength left her with the orgasm. 

For a moment her head was empty. For a moment all she felt was Nikolai pressed against her, still leaving hollow kisses against her throat, moving within her. 

And yet their surroundings came back into sharp focus much too quickly. 

Zoya stared up at the ceiling, black spots dancing through her vision, as she tried hard to regain her breath. The mix of pleasure and pain was still racing across her skin, even as Nikolai moved away, as she saw him sit up from the corner of her eyes. 

But she couldn’t will her body to move. 

_She had killed the Darkling._ Blood was dripping to the floor, her knife still buried in his chest. And yet she felt no satisfaction. 

She didn’t feel anything at all. 

> _I’ve killed for you baby_
> 
> _Who else can say that?_

Nikolai pulled her up at the waist, his fingers still stained red. His lips were bruised where the Darkling had hit him, and his wrists torn open from the invisible shackles the shadow power had spun across him. 

Nikolai’s face mirrored her own haunted expression, the same shock which was numbing her. “You did it,” he whispered, voice hoarse, the first words any of them had spoken. 

Zoya stared down at the Darkling’s body, at the blood clinging to her own hands. Had this not been what she had wanted? She had wanted the Darkling dead, and yet in the last moments, she had hesitated. Right until he had put a blade to Nikolai’s throat, and she had already seen his death play out in front of her eyes. 

There had been no more hesitation then. No question about what she had to do. 

Because for Nikolai, she would do it all. 

“We did it,” she said eventually, her own voice sounding far away in her ears, and for the first time, the adrenaline rush ebbed away enough that she felt the sharp pain where her ribs were bruised. 

Nikolai ran his thumb along the line of her jaw, tilting her face up. “It was all you,” he whispered, leaving the ghost of a kiss against her lips. “You defeated him.”  
  
And yet this was not the revenge she had hoped for. Yet this had not erased any of her own sins. 

_Was she not just like the Darkling now?_

Breathing became more and more difficult, and Zoya could feel the edges of her vision turning black. The room was blurring around her, as the pain from her ribs dared to spread through her entire body. And yet she still saw the blood clinging to her, staining everything red. Her lungs dared to explode. 

She could hear Nikolai saying her name, another world away, and then everything went dark around her. 


End file.
